Things no one told me about becoming a cop:
I am off tonight. I stay awake because I work the graveyard shift. Tonight I get to watch my babies sleep.
1.) No one told me you meet people from all walks of life. Your perspective of people and their crimes change. Crime doesn’t discriminate. White, black, poor, rich, it’s everywhere people are.
2.) No one told me how to leave my work at work. It has definitely become easier over time, but one of the hardest task I had to learn. I want to know what happens to the little girl who keeps running away. Why? Am I missing something? Why the mother wasn’t watching and the two-year-old was a quarter of a mile down the road. Why won’t that able-bodied homeless man get a job, when he’s more than capable? Why does he keep hitting his wife? The one he should cherish. All thoughts that run through my head even off duty.
3.) No one told me how to deal with criticism. I’m called “the white cop” the “pig”, “racist” truth is, I hate giving anyone a ticket. That is wasted money on their part, but it’s my job. I rarely know your ethnicity when I turn my lights on to pull you over. In fact, my radar reaches way beyond my eyesight or through your tinted windows. It’s simple, follow the law, you won’t get stopped.
4.) No one told me how to stop that emotional bond. Kids are my weakness, being a small town cop makes it more challenging.
The snotty nosed twins who are sweating on the curb, they just needed ice cream to brighten their day. Of course only in return for a promise to wear a seat belt. They remind me weekly that they wear their seat belt now. The teenage girl who cried and skipped school because she didn’t have cute clothes, how will I explain this $60 missing when I get home? The mom who has no Christmas, food, no dryer, can’t afford water. We hear it all! We pick and choose our battles. That’s the hardest part, but we have hearts, we have children, we aren’t robots in armor waiting to get you. We “the ones who love our job” truly believe in a better world, peace, protecting, and serving. Sometimes separating emotion and law is the hardest part of our jobs.
5.) The long hours. That 8-10 hour shift. Ha! Yeah right. I have 3 reports to do, my last call came in 3 minutes before shift change. It’s not a job where we can say, oh a wreck, give us 20 min for shift change. When your number is called you go! We miss our kid’s ball games, we get soaking wet in the rain, we moved that tree limb so you wouldn’t hit it at night in the storm. We checked your house for you because you are on vacation and the alarm company called, we miss our families, we miss a lot. But this is our job, a life we choose.
6.) No one told me about the bond I’d form with my brothers in blue. They aren’t my friends, but my family. We argue, disagree, get irritated, but at the end of the day, I’ll have his back, and he will have mine. It’s a bond no one can imagine.
7.) It’s more of a way of life than a job.
Off duty police? That’s a term used to describe when your pay stops. You are never off duty. I will forever sit where I can see everyone around me. I have broken up fights, drove up on wrecks, been called for “legal” advise though I’m not a lawyer, all hours of the night by friends or relatives, who got a ticket or in a custody battle, or worse.
8.) I don’t know what happens off duty! My favorite! Anyone in a 50-mile radius will call me to ask who wrecked on this road, who died today, why was this girl arrested. First, if I was on duty and it just happened I’m probably not able to tell you yet because of ethics, legally, or morally it won’t be right. If off duty, your guess is as good as mine. I don’t listen to my radio at home, I want to hear my kids laugh, not about death, and heartache. Sorry no, I don’t know.
9.) You ask my opinion about the corrupt cops shown on tv or the kid that got shot. We will tell you we don’t have an opinion. Do we? Of course we do, of course, we heard about it. If nothing else our mothers called the minute she saw it on the news to remind us to be safe and wear our vest. We won’t get in this debate with you. You, nor I were there. You get third-hand info, not the cop or alleged criminal usually but a story based on pieces of facts told by both. Do I think all cops are corrupt? No, because I know I am not. Nor do we believe all cops are good. No matter what your profession is, there are bad people and good people. Just like all whites aren’t racist, all blacks are not criminals, all Mexicans don’t fight, guess what all cops aren’t bad.
Yes, you can hate me because I towed your vehicle after you failed a breathalyzer but guess what, we don’t care because last week we went with the Chaplin to tell a father his teenage child was killed by someone like you who had no respect. Oh, you’re mad I busted your drug deal? So what, the man you sold to was selling it to kids, one had a seizure and died. Be mad, hate us, but the reality is, we know and see more than just the criminal side.
We see broken hearts, death, hurt, and pain. Imagine losing someone and how long it takes you to recover, now imagine dealing with death several times a year, even several times a month, but still going home to your 3yr old with a smile, even though you just told that mom her 3 yr old was gone.
See you don’t know me, and chances are I’ll never know your whole story.
I just wanted you to know, we aren’t all bad. We are people too, people with hearts, real-life problems, and this is the job we chose. We genuinely care, otherwise, we couldn’t do our jobs.
What’s my opinion on the latest cop shooting where someone died? That’s terribly sad for his family. I’m truly sorry. I don’t know how that cop felt, or what he saw, I don’t know what thought went through his mind, but I also feel sorry for him. Right or wrong, he will live with his choice, forever. We work in a grey area, always. There’s rarely a black and white side, right or wrong, it’s more like an iffy situation most of the time.
I’ve never woke up with the thought I hope I don’t kill anyone today. Killing someone never crosses my mind. Being killed lurks in the back of our minds, always. We are secretly as afraid of you as you are of us. We are trained to be strong and stern, even though fear can be felt in the pit of our stomachs. We have learned to fight back tears, when the lump in my throat is more than I can stand.
I’m not asking anyone to like us, I’m asking those protestors, ones killing cops for no reason but to prove a point, to think first.
I’m a mommy, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a God-fearing Christian. My badge does not define me, my heart does.
Killing an innocent person is wrong, whether it’s at the hands of a bad cop or the hands of retaliation because you hate “us” for whatever reason.
I will leave you with this, whether you hate me or not, if you call, I am coming to help you. I’ll be there! Yes with my badge pinned on my shirt, but also with my heart in my vest.
Officer M Crowson
Officer Crowson is my daughter. She wrote this post after several police officers had been killed. It was published by several law enforcement newsletters. And yes, I am so very proud of her.
Sometimes I link my posts to these parties!
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